Fighter v Victim

 

Something I discuss with every client are the two choices we each have every day. We can be the fighter, or we can be the victim.

 We’ve all slipped into the occasional victim thinking at one stage or another but having an awareness of these 2 words can change your life.

Many of my clients identify and ask themselves this question multiple times each day. Something happens and we choose how we respond.

The fighter takes responsibility – The victim seeks excuses.

The fighter stays in control – the victim gives up control easily.

The fighter embraces feedback – The victim can’t take criticism.

The fighter walks towards the uncomfortable – The victim reverts to the comfort zone.

The fighter surrounds himself with people who challenge – The victim looks for other victim friends.

The fighter loves the game – The victim loves the sideshow.

The fighter sees failure as an opportunity to learn - The victim feels powerless and gives up.

The fighter takes ownership. Even if it isn’t their fault. They look for solutions. They are resilient, determined and persistent. They know that they can handle things. They see failure as part of the journey. They look to learn and improve.

The victim blames others and external circumstances for their problems. They stay stuck. They have limiting beliefs. Life is unfair. They are passive, defeated and full of resentment. They moan, they gossip and feel hard done by. They feel that there is nothing they can do about their circumstances.

The good thing is, it’s always a choice. If we can recognise quickly, we can always pivot. I work with a number of professional football players. Something that happens to every player is that they will be dropped from the team. The manager will call them into his office and explain his decision. The player then has the choice, Fighter of Victim.

The fighter would take responsibility. He would look at himself and his performances first before blaming anyone or anything else. He would realise that the decision isn’t personal and isn’t permanent. He would be open to the manager’s feedback. If he doesn’t agree, he asks questions and asks what’s needed to get back into the team. He can share his honesty with the manager. He can leave the room disappointed but able to respond in the way of a fighter. To train harder, to be a good teammate, to take pride in his performance and preparation. To be ready for when he is called upon.

The victim in the same situation looks for excuses immediately. He feels hard done by. He feels its unfair. He thinks the manager has a personal problem with him. He doesn’t listen to criticism. He’s defensive, he sulks, and he leaves the room to gossip. He goes straight to his victim friends and talks about the manager. He sulks in training, he’s passive, he’s bitter, resentful, and becomes unprofessional. He’s not a good teammate and claims he wants to leave the club. (All because he’s faced a hurdle) He doesn’t prepare properly and when called upon to return to the team, blames everything else for his poor performance.

Anybody in professional sport knows this situation. I was the victim many times during my professional football career. I had no awareness that was what I was choosing to be.

Our own versions of this happen every day in our lives. Who do we choose to become?

Whether it’s our childhood, our health, our jobs, results, traffic… you name it. Do we become the fighter and take responsibility? (Even if we may have been wronged) or do we become the victim? The defeated.

Every day we are presented with these two options. Every day is an opportunity. Nothing is permanent. If you feel yourself slipping into the victim, quickly recognise it and ask yourself what the fighter would do in this situation.

We all have that fighter in there. We all have that victim in there. It’s up to us the path we choose to access.